TO become a successful politician, you sometimes need to behave like a ball of kenkey.  You must be spherical in thought and action and roundly pursue an agenda. You must be fair and foul, straight and maverick.

The most important stage in the political process for aspirants is the primaries.  That is where the acid-test of the candidates is done to ascertain their political acidity or  alkalinity.

In the end, the sheep are separated from the goats, whereupon there is weeping, gnashing and grinding of teeth.  Among the sheep is a headboy.  He becomes the flagbearer of the political animal fraternity and starts rehearsing the march to the Castle, that is if he can scale a higher hurdle.

Getting thorugh the primaries unscathed is almost always a miracle.  The problem here is that you are fighting a battle against your own political kinsmen. So any open of fire is bound to be a bullet directed at your democratic brother or electoral cousin.

In any case, politics is politics, and so filial considerations are way out of the question.  If you know you are my brother, why should you try to squat on the stool I have targeted?

Even before the primaries are conducted, there are underground skirmishes and consultations (due apologies to Mallam Issa).  You must consult! Such consultations take place at midnight, and under the cover of darkness.  Sunlight is not good for such business.

Monies change hands.  “If you don’t vote for me you’ll go mad.” That is how those who receive midnight cash are sworn in.  Anyone who accepts cash and votes for another person might as well start booking an appointment with Dr Asare at the Psychiatric Hospital also known as asylum.

 Poverty is not one of the virtues of a serious aspirant.  If you are poor and yet want to be a politician, go and sell your uncle’s cocoa farm before facing up to it.  You can also try galamsey. It is not an easy fare.

As it were, delegates must be made to vote for you not because they think you are the most competent among the lot, or the most handsome, but because you have ‘dough’.  The delegates must eat and eat properly and look like overfed puppies, otherwise you won’t get their votes.

The world of politics is one of the re-distribution of wealth before polling time.  After the polls you cannot get a Ghana pesewa from any politician much less an old sikaman cedi.  It is time for him to recoup what he has lost in campaigning.  So even if you are dying of hunger, you better die fast because he doesn’t need your vote until the next elections draw near. 

Now, Ghanaians are wondering why so many people are aspiring to become sole tenants of the Castle.  Even those who are pretty sure they cannot win the primaries are putting in a bid.  Some may ask whether it is foolhardiness?

To me, it has nothing to do with being foolhardiness.  Everyone has a reason for doing something.  Some people sue others in court knowing very well they have a bad case and cannot win.  Yet they go ahead and sue.  They lose the case but they are content.

So every aspirant has a reason.  Many of them know they cannot win, but they surely gain some measure of political elout by merely competing.  Others see the contest as a stepping stone, a marketing strategy for future glory.

Still, others want to be in the history books of political Ghana.  At least their great-grandchildren will one day be proud of them. “My great-grandpa nearly became Ghana’s president.” Of course, the guy doesn’t know the bloke got any three votes at the primaries.

The only unfortunate thing is that, some aspirants over-rate themselves. They are simply unable to identify their weaknesses.  So they see fire and walk boldly into it and get burnt.  Any good politician must be able to weigh himself to know if he is up to the test.

If you are a politician, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should be a president. Not everybody is born with a silverspoon in his or her mouth.  It is only God who makes presidents.

At any rate, the NPP presidential primaries will be a really interesting one.  If some aspirants are not careful, though, they wouldn’t get even two votes. I’ll advise all aspirants to start reinforcing their shock absorbers, because anything can happen.  Ambulances must also be made ready.

Sikaman Palava will assess the chances of the candidates in due course.  My regards.